by Mon Barton, creative, poet and photographer at Right Side Resident
menstruation /mɛnstrʊˈeɪʃ(ə)n/
noun
the process in a woman of discharging blood and other material from the lining of the uterus at intervals of about one lunar month from puberty until the menopause, except during pregnancy.
The terms “menstruation” and “menses” are derived from the Latin and Greek words, mensis and mene, meaning month and moon. But turning up in our everyday lives as menstruating women, to work, to friends, to family, to partners as if our entire uterine wall isn’t leaving our body, does not come from a latin word. It does not mean moon or stars, it’s called a suppressed state where an expectation is placed upon us to be selfless enough to show up for everything and anyone before ourselves. To be “less sensitive”.
Call me a hardcore feminist, call me a sook, call me a drama queen but the unfortunate truth is that it’s 2020 and we’re still not talking comfortably and freely about periods.
Co-incidentally I write these words during the first day of my menstrual cycle. As I sit here almost doubled over with an ache in my lower back that reverberates through my entire body and stomach cramps dull enough to cloud almost every thought or desire, I can’t help but reflect. Reflecting on the heroic act of ‘showing up’ and how after 11 years since my very first period am I finally finding my voice so that I too, can show up, for me.
I remember those young, tender years before my body began to menstruate and all I wanted was to experience womanhood. I remember waking up every day, checking my undies hoping today would be ‘the day’. And then it was the day, and I remember having this huge spring in my step (despite the surfboard sized pad bunching and scrunching in between my legs) because I had finally stepped into the next phase of my life and finally had something to talk about with the other girls. I remember being so proud that I’d deliberately ask someone for a pad even though I already had some stashed in my bag.
However, this pride quickly diminished into a squished, suppressed version of womanhood when I first heard a male dismiss my feelings because I must’ve been ‘on my rags’.
I remember girls at school bullying another girl for having blood on her skirt and feeling so deeply embarrassed for her that I NEVER wanted to experience that. I remember when I stopped asking anyone for any sanitary item and instead of carrying out the most careful procedure of candidly reaching for a tampon and sliding it straight into my pocket with utmost stealth so as to show NO ONE what I had in my possession.
I remember being riddled with embarrassment by simply thinking about the awful situations your period could get you into like blood running down your leg at the pool, or soaking through the sheets at a sleepover, that I would flood with so much anxiety and would avoid those activities altogether for the duration of my period. And only now, as a young woman do I realise how damaging those pivotal years of my life were when originally I was nothing but proud to finally feel woman.
When and how do we stop feeling the embarrassment and shame around periods, bleeding, and menstruating? When and how do we begin to normalise the conversation around it? When and how do we help to teach others to unpack their own stigma’s around periods, bleeding and menstruation? Because you see, when we don’t honour the power of our bodies and its functions, we lose that connection to ourselves. When space isn’t conducive of feeling honoured, we lose that connection to the people around us. When we don’t allow ourselves the permission to speak up, express, and honour our feelings, we lose connection with our emotions. When we don’t educate ourselves of our anatomy and bodily functions, we lose connection to the purpose of cycles.
“Women are told for so long that our feelings—our internal sensations of pain, pleasure, joy, sadness, or anger—are too much, or wrong, or bad. So eventually we can’t stop thinking and thinking about these problems, trying to think them out, but we stop feeling our feelings about them.”
― Naomi Wolf, Vagina.
So I invite you to challenge yourself and the people around you to keep learning, keep listening to all ages of all genders and keep conversations flowing. If you can find the courage to speak up in your workplace, family settings or friendship groups, please do. You can do this by explaining in major or minor detail (how ever you feel most comfortable) about what you’re feeling and why. The more we hide from others, the less opportunity they have to learn and understand. Try opening up a dialogue with “Hey, just need to let you know I’m suffering really bad from menstrual cramps today” or you can keep it light-hearted with “This might be an uncomfortable topic for you but my cycle is making me feel even more uncomfortable today”.
It’s time to educate ourselves so that when conversations do arise when we find the courage to speak up, we’re confident in what we’re teaching, sharing, and explaining to those around us. I mean, who doesn’t want to know more about their body, right?
Let’s make 2020 a year of total change.
