We tend to spend upward of eight hours a day in our bedrooms – doing everything from sleeping to wanking, to scrolling through the gram, and watching Netflix. But as all too many of us know, clicking the ‘Next Episode’ button (#triggered) a few too many times means that many of us are foregoing sexy time for our screens. Couple that with leaving the bed unmade and a swathe of dirty clothes littering the floor… things can get a little… stale, if you know what we mean.
So, we decided to speak with couples therapist and sexologist Isiah McKimmie (find her on Instagram, too), and feng shui expert Carolyn McCallum, to get the low down on how even basic changes to the bedroom can drastically change our sex lives for the better.
Why feng shui?
If you’ve never tested the waters of feng shui before, don’t stress. This ancient Chinese art is used in interior design to foster positive, healing energy (known as qi) in a given space. Practitioners pay particular attention to a room’s lighting, its tidiness, and how the furniture is arranged in it. All of these factors can either improve or detract from the room’s qi.
“Feng shui in the bedroom is vital for intimate connection and a great sex life in relationships. It’s also great if you’re single and would like to attract a new partner, or get over an ex so you’re open to attract someone new. The goal of feng shui is to use your home to increase your energy,” McCallum explains.
Most of us know that our home environment greatly impacts our wellbeing, but McKimmie stresses that our bedroom environments are particularly important: “The bedroom is vital to sleep and rest, and for lovemaking, a sacred space where we should feel relaxed and safe.”
The Bagua Map
“A Bagua map is used to divide your space into nine separate areas – each one relating to a certain theme. The center square of the Bagua is considered the heart of the room, where the energy is distributed to all the different sectors,” says McCallum.
McCallum tells us that there are two different approaches to using a Bagua map. The traditional (or compass) Bagua map uses a compass to determine the different areas of the home. The front door method, on the other hand, aligns the bottom of the Bagua map with a room’s front door.
“You want to position your bed so it aligns with the ‘love and relationship corner,” McCallum explains, “whilst making sure that you have a nightstand on each side of the bed.”
Remember the phrase ‘one-night stand’ for a fling? Well, take it literally here. One nightstand in feng shui is an advertisement that you’re single and want it to stay that way.
Ditch the digital distractions
In the quest for better zzz’s, most of us have taken head of expert advice telling us to swap the glaring blue light of our phones for tangible paper books.
But what about when it comes to having better sex? McKimmie affirms that the simplest way to make your bedroom more welcoming is to get rid of anything that doesn’t place an emphasis on sleep or sex. Yep, this means your phone, computer, tablet, TV, and any other screen that could pull your attention away from your lover.
“Keep your bedroom as ‘device-free’ as possible,” McKimmie suggests, “If you really need to have your phone on in the bedroom keep it on aeroplane mode. You shouldn’t need to be answering work emails right before you go to bed or before you’ve had a cup of coffee in the morning.”
Adios, sweet bedtime Netflix-binges and scrollathons.
Juj the space
Now, don’t feel like you need to throw out anything on your walls or make your bedroom totally impersonal, but clutter can block the natural flow of energy through a room, and too many decorations count as clutter.
“Consider not having family photos or religious symbols in the bedroom if the thought of someone else being there makes you feel uncomfortable with intimacy,” McKimmie suggests. “We can generally enjoy ourselves more sexually when we’re more relaxed. Soft lighting, a tidy, cosy space, and soft music will help us feel more relaxed. Having special lighting or candles that you put on when you’re preparing for sex can add to the anticipation and help you feel more in the mood.”
We think this should be a rule for any room in your home, and McCallum affirms that an uncluttered space is especially important in the room where you get it ‘awn. “Think of the classic romantic getaway hotel room. The mood is already set when you enter your room and see a turned-down bed,” says McCallum.
You create your reality, and you’ve got the power to change it for the better. So, viva l’amore. Happy rearranging. And happy sexing.