image via Jodi Plumbley photography“I love to encourage others to do the same. It’s a journey, but learning to reconnect to your body and feel more confident overall is so important. It’s really about those self-care practices and taking the time to work on yourself, whether it’s buying yourself a new vibrator, starting a gratitude journal, meditating more, doing yoga, going to therapy, taking classes, connecting with other goddesses on IG or in your community—it’s just really about putting in the work”
Meet Tricia Wise, a 25-year-old professional sparkly witch (her words, that we LOVE). Tricia is a holistic esthetician (a person who specializes in the beautification of the skin – yeah we had to look that up!), herbalist, makeup artist, and reiki practitioner and in 2019 she was diagnosed with Herpes simplex virus, also known as HSV2. HSV-2 is a sexually transmitted infection that causes genital herpes and according to the World Health Organisation, an estimated 491 million people aged 15-49 (13%) worldwide have HSV2 infection.
After receiving her diagnosis, Tricia embarked on a journey to create a safe space for vulva owners to feel empowered about their HSV or any STI diagnosis. And so, Safe Slut was born, a place “to understand we are not alone and are not different or dirty,” says Tricia, “I wanted to create a sex-positive space, for those to reclaim their goddess energy as well as smash STI stigma, and reclaim the word slut”.
We sat down over the interwebs with this clever, inspiring, and proud (witch) womxn to teach us a thing or two about the Safe Slut, to get the low down on STIs and learn what it feels like to discover you have contracted an STI.
What’s your story, why talking all thangs STIs?
There is still such a stigma surrounding STIs, which if everyone received comprehensive sex ed when we were younger, the stigma would most likely not exist—people need to know that STIs are so common, and just a part of being sexually active, even if you are practicing safer sex, it is sometimes just inevitable (you can still get HSV or HPV even when using barrier methods). So I really like to work to make that known.
What are the risks if we don’t treat some of the most common STIs?
All STIs are either curable or manageable. Herpes is not on the standard STI panel, so unless you have symptoms, you are most likely not getting tested for herpes—definitely ask your doctor to test you. There’s really no health risk for herpes, but knowing your status can help you take proper precautions during sex. If you don’t get treated for the curable ones, it can cause complications, such as Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) or infertility, among other issues—this is why getting tested is so important!
Can you contract HSv2 orally?
So technically, you can get HSV2 orally, however that risk is so low, it rarely happens. HSV2 really likes to on the genitals, but since there are mucous membranes on the mouth it’s technically still possible-but I want to stress how low the risk is! HSV1, which usually causes cold sores, is very commonly found on the genitals now (yes, you can get hsv1 and 2 genitally), due to everyone doing more oral (thankfully!), so in this case if someone has GHSV1, it is a bit easier for their partner to contract it orally than if someone was GHSV2. You can always use dental dams during oral sex if your partner feels more comfortable though!
How often should young folx be tested for STIs?
People should be getting tested way more frequently than they probably think. You should get tested after being with a new partner—the only thing is, it can take up the three months for some STIs to show up on a test (HSV and HIV can take up to three months sometimes longer), so my rule of thumb is to get tested about a week after a new partner, and then again three months later!
If you receive a positive result to an STI test, what are your responsibilities from here?
If you receive a positive result, it is imperative to get treatment and tell any previous partners (this may seem scary or embarrassing but I promise you, most people are so understanding).
Any conversation starters to let a previous partner know?
When telling previous partners, there’s no right or wrong—do what feels comfortable to you! If they are someone I don’t really speak to or aren’t currently seeing, I usually just like to be very straight forward and send a simple text message, and open it up for them to ask questions.
You can also call or see them in person, but again whatever works for you! You can’t always expect a great response, but that’s okay. I sent a message to the partner I believed gifted me (what we in the herpes community say instead of “gave”) with herpes, it was a nice and straight forward message, with lots of good info—I don’t think he took it well because I never received a response back. But that was okay with me because I was just happy he knew and had all the facts! (Most responses I’ve had have been very positive!).
What advice do you have for folx coming to terms with an STI?
If you have an incurable STI, so in my case, HSV, it is your responsibility to tell all current and future sexual partners before any sexual contact. In my opinion, if you don’t disclose, the sex is not consensual. You need to take their health into consideration not just your pleasure.
If you have just been diagnosed with an STI—you are not alone!
It’s hard not to feel alone or “dirty,” but honestly you’re human and that’s just a part of life. If it’s curable, no worries, as long as you stay on top of it and get treatment, just take all of your medication and that’s it.
If you were diagnosed with HIV, it’s not curable, but if you take the medication, you will most likely become undetectable—and undetectable equals untransmittable.
With HSV, it can take a while to feel comfortable with yourself again, but when I was diagnosed I just reminded myself that the majority of the world has some form of herpes. Over 2/3s of the world has HSV1, and in the US over 1 in 6 people have HSV2 (about 85% of those people don’t even know due to lack of testing and the fact that it is usually asymptomatic). That’s so many people!
Also chickenpox, shingles, and mono are all in the herpes family! It’s just so common, and at the end of the day just a little skin condition, it’s more of the stigma that plays a role in our own shame regarding STIs. There are so many support groups on Instagram, Facebook, IRL—you are not alone! Don’t be afraid to reach out to us, the community is so amazing and accepting!
How do we become more empowered badass goddesses?
My journey with HSV has truly made me more confident and helped me feel like the badass goddess that I am!
On Safe Slut, I love to encourage others to do the same. It’s a journey, but learning to reconnect to your body and feel more confident overall is so important. It’s really about those self-care practices and taking the time to work on yourself, whether it’s buying yourself a new vibrator, starting a gratitude journal, meditating more, doing yoga, going to therapy, taking classes, connecting with other goddesses on IG or in your community—it’s just really about putting in the work.
As a witch, I also really love to work with certain plants and crystals that make me feel more connected to myself, as well as doing self reiki and certain self-care rituals (usually aligned with the moon phases!). I recently bought a crystal g spot dildo, and it’s life-changing, I feel so connected to myself whenever I use it!
I recommend reading Pussy: A Reclamation by Regina Thomashauer (she has a great practice where you literally speak to your pussy and tell her how beautiful it is, it feels a little silly at first, but the results are really there!)
Why do you believe this slut-shaming exists? Are people jealous, sexually oppressed, unintentionally reinforcing the patriarchy?
Slut-shaming unfortunately still exists for a number of reasons. Mainly, it stems from the patriarchy, that works to suppress vulva owners and our sexuality.
Capitalism also thrives off of patriarchy, so it makes it really easy for society to be sold the idea that we are unworthy if we look a certain way, our labia looks different, we have an STI, are a sex worker, are not hetero, or aren’t white, etc. This creates that fear and shame toward sexual positivity as well as STIs, which has just been reinforced for years.
There’s also a lack of sexual education and information that makes the majority of people unaware of how all of this stuff actually works (there are even many nurses and doctors out there who have shamed us for getting HSV or just for our sexuality). This is why promoting sex positivity is so important!
Luckily there are so many other people doing this work as well, on and off Instagram, that hopefully we can end slut-shaming and end the stigma fueled narrative surrounding STIs.
